I was watching the dogs play and enjoyed enjoying them. I thought of the dogs we’ve lost. I thought of Bear, our “firstborn” and then Parker, in that order. There’s no guilt in acknowledging that they meant the most to me. As much as I loved them though, there’s no abiding pain because of their absence. Thoughts of them pass through my mind with a present gentleness and aged joy that only comes with time. It was comforting to know that there is still joy after the sorrow.
Thought turned then to what it must be like to lose a human friend. Surely it must hurt much worse. Surely there’s a sense of permanence despite our hope of heaven. The loss of a kindred spirit, a creature like myself whose life touched mine, must dash somewhere so intimate that the crush of it would seem unsurvivable.
Faces of my Ya-Yas came to mind. We are within four years of one another in age. As the oldest ones face menopause and health issues, we others are close behind. One already has a thyroid condition. One’s had cancer, albeit years ago. One abuses alcohol. One’s suffered divorce, barrenness, rape, and is currently separated from her mean husband. I love these faces. They know me better than anyone else, except maybe my K, and they love me back.
I’ve never lost a friend to death. Neglect maybe… ill behavior… but not death. Which one of us will be the first to go…
